How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust (2024)

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1Recognizing True Love

2Knowing if You're Infatuated

3Realizing When You're Feeling Hot, Bothered and in Lust

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Co-authored byNicole Moore

Last Updated: June 5, 2024Approved

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Whether you're in a relationship already or admiring someone from afar, sorting out your feelings for someone can be a real challenge. While there's no clear, foolproof way to make the distinction for someone else, you can at least make the distinction clearer for yourself. Follow these steps to know the difference between love, infatuation, and lust, and remember to be honest with yourself.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Recognizing True Love

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  1. 1

    Examine whether you treat the object of your interest as a person or a thing. You care for this person even knowing their faults. You are committed to sticking together even through the most difficult circumstances. You can tell this person anything about yourself, even if the truth doesn't flatter you, and you know that your partner will accept you.[1] There is no way to make a person love you, although actions do speak louder than words. If you are the one always giving and getting very little in return, you might consider asking a trusted friend or family member, one with your best interests at heart, what they see. Most of the time those on the outside are more likely to see things that you don't because love is blind.[2]

  2. 2

    Evaluate how secure you feel. You know that your partner will stand by you no matter what, and you are prepared to commit to your partner for the rest of your life.[3]

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  3. 3

    Think about how long you've been in the relationship. You have known the person for a long time, and you can't imagine life without them. You want to know everything about the person and want to spend time getting to know them on a deeper level.[4]

  4. 4

    Analyze the way that you're thinking about the other person. Something funny has happened to you at work, and you can't wait to tell your partner. Alternatively, you've had a bad experience, and you want to talk to someone who will understand. If your partner is the first person that you think about when you want to share your innermost thoughts, then you may be in love. You have mutual respect for each other.[5]

  5. 5

    Look at how you handle conflict. When you have an argument with your partner, you keep working until you are able to find some common ground.[6] No argument can erase your commitment to one another, and you appreciate your partner speaking the truth even when it's painful. Even if you don't agree with your partner you will always take their side and defend them in front of your family and friends.

  6. 6

    Consider your feelings about moving the relationship forward. You feel comfortable with your partner, and you feel a strong bond of trust. They should feel like your partner, in that marriage or moving in together feels natural because life is better with them. Your family and friends should know all about the person, and you have the reflex to stand up and protect the person from any nay-sayers. [7]

    • When you actually love someone there is usually a steady building of positive feelings toward that person over time.[8]
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Part 2

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Knowing if You're Infatuated

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  1. 1

    Examine whether you treat the object of your interest as a person or a thing. When you experience infatuation, your mind is consumed by thoughts of the other person. You're thinking not only about the other person but also about how you want to reveal yourself to the other person. You have an idealized vision of what this person is like, and your vision may or may not be accurate.

  2. 2

    Evaluate how secure you feel. Instead of feeling secure, you are thinking more about how to impress the other person. Your focus is on how to get the other person to like you, and you feel nervous because you don't know how the other person feels.[9]

  3. 3

    Think about how long you've been in the relationship. Your relationship is pretty new, and while you're constantly thinking about the other person, you're not confident that they have what it takes to go the distance.[10]

  4. 4

    Analyze the way that you're thinking about the other person. You think constantly about the way that the person smiles, the way they say your name or the way that your partner looks at you. You think obsessively about these details, and you try to decide how the person feels about you based on these somewhat trivial qualities.[11]

  5. 5

    Look at how you handle conflict. The person you like disagrees with you, and you wonder if the relationship is over. You wonder whether you know the person at all or whether your impressions have been wrong all along.[12]

    • Reader Poll: We asked 731 wikiHow readers how they would handle conflicts in their relationships, and 56% said they would work through it until they found a resolution. [Take Poll]
  6. 6

    Consider your feelings about moving the relationship forward. You want to ask the person to date exclusively, but you're nervous about what they might say. You're afraid that asking for commitment may frighten the person away. Your feelings aren't deep enough for love; you're probably more in the realm of infatuation.

    • With infatuation your feelings can also change very quickly. In one moment you can feel madly in love with someone and then the second they don’t give you what you want, call you back in time or return a text, you can turn to hating them very quickly.[13]
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Part 3

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Realizing When You're Feeling Hot, Bothered and in Lust

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  1. 1

    Examine whether you treat the object of your interest as a person or a thing. If you're looking to catch someone as a prize or to get someone to go to bed with you, you're treating the person like a thing, and you're probably experiencing lust.[14]

  2. 2

    Evaluate how secure you feel. Security isn't important to you; you're more interested in the score and in how great it feels to be physical together. After you get what you want, you can take or leave the other person.

  3. 3

    Analyze the way that you're thinking about the other person. You're trying to figure out what you have to do to get this person to invite you up for a nightcap.

  4. 4

    Look at how you handle conflict. Who cares if you have an argument? You can find someone new without the hassle of bickering, fighting and drama. The sex is great, but it's not worth the baggage, unless it's make-up sex after one of those passionate arguments.[15]

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  • Question

    What are the signs of infatuation?

    Nicole Moore
    Love & Relationship Coach

    Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University.

    Nicole Moore

    Love & Relationship Coach

    Expert Answer

    A key factor in infatuation is having strong feelings for someone else without knowing a lot about who they actually are. With infatuation, you typically feel a very excited yet unsteady and ungrounded feeling. You feel like your head is in the clouds and like this person can do no wrong, when in reality, you don't really know much about them.

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  • Question

    How do I know if I'm actually in love?

    Nicole Moore
    Love & Relationship Coach

    Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University.

    Love & Relationship Coach

    Expert Answer

    When you actually love someone, you have seen all sides to them. You've seen them at the best and in their lower moments and you still choose them. Real love has an undercurrent of peace to it—you feel excited about the other person and happy when you see or speak to them, but you don't feel on a high that can come crashing down at any moment.

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  • Question

    Why would my boyfriend stay with me if he doesn't get sex?

    How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust (27)

    Community Answer

    A good boyfriend will know that there's more to a relationship than sex. If he loves you and cares about you, sex shouldn't be the most important thing. If your boyfriend is pressuring you for sex, you should find someone else.

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      Tips

      • If there's an argument between you and your partner, give each other some space and time to think afterwards, because if you ask questions in the heat of the moment, you'll most likely get answers you don't like (meaning your partner will say things they don't mean).[16]

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      • True love means having great feelings towards someone without sex involved although the two are not mutually exclusive.[17]

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      • Know that there will be bumps in the road, but if you're truly in love, it won't matter, because you'll face them as a team.

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      Tips from our Readers How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust (28)

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

      • Friendship should also weigh into your decision to commit. In 50 years, if you don't genuinely like your mate, you're going to be miserable.
      • Carefully study your compatibility before committing. You can still go to couples counseling before needing it to save time.

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      Warnings

      • Even if you think you love the other person, if that person doesn't return your feelings, don't waste time hoping that your love interest changes their mind. You'll have other opportunities to find someone who is ready to create a real and lasting partnership.

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      About This Article

      How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust (44)

      Co-authored by:

      Nicole Moore

      Love & Relationship Coach

      This article was co-authored by Nicole Moore. Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University. This article has been viewed 4,096,057 times.

      10 votes - 80%

      Co-authors: 150

      Updated: June 5, 2024

      Views:4,096,057

      Categories: Featured Articles | Love | Falling in Love

      Article SummaryX

      When you have intense feelings about another person, it can be hard to tell what’s really going on in your heart. Stop and examine how you think about them. For instance, if you’re interested in who they are as a person, then you might be in love. But if you tend to focus completely on how attractive they are, it may just be lust. When you’re really in love, you tend to recognize and accept the other person’s flaws. However, if you’re infatuated, you might think of them as perfect or put them on a pedestal. Ask yourself how secure you feel in the relationship, too. Do you feel confident that you and your partner have each other’s backs? Do you want to stay committed to them for a long time? If so, then you might be in love. On the other hand, if the relationship feels exciting right now but you can’t really imagine a future with the other person, it might just be lust or infatuation. For more tips on telling these emotions apart, read on!

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      • How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust (45)

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      How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust (2024)

      FAQs

      How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust? ›

      However, lust is typically short-lived and does not involve any deep emotional connection. Infatuation is a more intense form of attraction than lust. It is characterized by a feeling of being "head over heels" in love. Infatuated people often idealize their partner and put them on a pedestal.

      Am I falling in love or is it lust? ›

      If you've recently started dating someone, you may ask yourself: Is it love or just lust? Lust is mainly sexual or physical, with no desire to bond with the person on a deeper level. Love, in contrast, involves feelings of intimacy, vulnerability, and putting in the effort to build a stronger connection.

      How to know the difference between infatuation and love? ›

      Infatuation happens when one craves the chemical release of oxytocin and dopamine to the point where one wants to be around a person all the time. Love may be more related to values and the affection that grows over time in a close relationship.

      Do I love him or do I lust him? ›

      The main difference between lust and love is that lust is purely sexual attraction while love is both passionate and compassionate. Signs of lust include spending most of your time with a partner being physically intimate, having little interest in their life outside the bedroom, and having different values.

      Can you confuse lust for love? ›

      Lust and love may be confused due to the overlap of physical and emotional elements, and some might not always be able to tell the difference. Strong sexual attraction and a deep physical connection may lead individuals to mistake lust for love, especially in the early stages of a relationship or even on a first date.

      How to distinguish lust from love? ›

      You may feel an undeniable connection to somebody and think that it's love at first sight. It is important to note, though, that there is a clear difference between lust and love. Ultimately, lust is strictly based on sexual attraction, whereas love is based on emotional desire.

      Am I in love lust or infatuation? ›

      Sternberg's theory of love, infatuation is rooted in passion; you're wildly attracted to the person, you're excited to see them, the sex is great, etc. Meanwhile, romantic love is rooted in both passion and intimacy; you have all the ingredients of infatuation, coupled with friendship, trust, support, etc.

      Do I love him or am I just infatuated? ›

      Infatuation is often a fantasy-based, passionate longing for someone else. It can prevent you from acknowledging their weaknesses, and may even land you in an unhealthy situation. Love is often based in reality and is fed on closeness and knowledge of the other person.

      How to know if it's love or attraction? ›

      Love is all about what you do your best to make that person happier. Whereas, the attraction is all about fulfilling your self-satisfaction and your own needs. Love is all about deep connection whereas attraction is all about physical affection. As the attraction is shallow but love is deep.

      How to tell if a man is infatuated with you? ›

      You may notice that he's staring your way a lot and holding eye contact with you. You may also notice that he blushes easily around you or appears nervous. You may also hear that he's been talking about you to the important people in his life like family or close friends.

      Does he really love me or just lust? ›

      “So, if someone is wanting to spend a lot of time with you outside of the bedroom, if they're sharing really personal and intimate details about themselves, if they're asking you a lot of questions and seem invested in learning about you, if they're introducing you to family and friends, or making future plans with you ...

      Am I in love or just attached? ›

      Love is thinking about how you can make the other person smile and feel happy. But attachment is not passionate. It is subdued and seems to be ever-present, such as the anxiety that you are going to lose your person or the fear that they will leave you.

      Can you see lust in someone's eyes? ›

      Another, 2014 study found that eye movements could reveal whether a person was in lust or in love. According to this research, when you meet someone, if you concentrate on their face, you are seeing a potential romantic partner but if your gaze keeps falling to the body, then the attraction is more sexual.

      How to know if a guy is lusting over you? ›

      Signs of Lust
      • He moves things along quickly and isn't interested in getting to know you.
      • He doesn't reveal much about himself or introduce you to his friends.
      • He isn't interested in spending time with you that doesn't involve sex.
      • He only contacts you at the last minute and doesn't make plans.
      Jul 12, 2024

      Can lust turn into true love? ›

      On the flip side, lust is a strong desire of a sexual nature that is based on physical attraction and happens rather quickly. Lust can transform into love, but usually it takes time. Two individuals will transform their lust into love when they get to actually see the whole individual and get past the “fantasy level.

      Can you lust for someone and love them at the same time? ›

      While love isn't as exciting as lust or infatuation, you can still experience lust for someone while being in love with them. You may also notice that infatuation can lessen and be replaced by sincere, realistic love and caring for the other person (which is a good thing!).

      Is Love at first sight real or is it lust? ›

      Though it is not uncommon for someone to have an instant attraction to a person based on physical appearance alone, those initial feelings of lust or longing do not typically constitute real love. It can be important to remember that real, lasting romantic love is usually cultivated over time.

      Is the first stage of falling in love lust? ›

      The first stage of romantic love, lust is defined as having an intense sexual desire towards someone, therefore, lust is driven by having a desire to achieve sexual gratification. This is based on an evolutionary need to reproduce, something that is common among all living species.

      Do I have a crush or is it lust? ›

      Examine whether you treat the object of your interest as a person or a thing. If you're looking to catch someone as a prize or to get someone to go to bed with you, you're treating the person like a thing, and you're probably experiencing lust.

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